P. G. Wodehouse Quotes

One of the poets, whose name I cannot recall, has a passage, which I am unable at the moment to remember, in one of his works, which for the time being has slipped my mind, which hits off admirably this age-old situation.

He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.

Some minds are like soup in a poor restaurant—better left unstirred.

I always strive, when I can, to spread sweetness and light. There have been several complaints about it.

It was a confusion of ideas between him and one of the lions he was hunting in Kenya that had caused A. B. Spottsworth to make the obituary column. He thought the lion was dead, and the lion thought it wasn’t.

An apple a day, if well aimed, keeps the doctor away.

I always advise people never to give advice.

One of the drawbacks to life is that it contains moments when one is compelled to tell the truth.

Alcohol is a misunderstood vitamin.

Everything in life that’s any fun, as somebody wisely observed, is either immoral, illegal or fattening.

A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life’s gas-pipe with a lighted candle.


As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.

It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say ‘when.’

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Well, why do you want a political career? Have you ever been in the House of Commons and taken a good square look at the inmates? As weird a gaggle of freaks and sub-humans as was ever collected in one spot.

Unseen in the background, Fate was quietly slipping lead into the boxing-glove.

If men’s minds were like dominoes, surely his would be the double blank.

Unlike the male codfish which, suddenly finding itself the parent of three million five hundred thousand little codfish, cheerfully resolves to love them all, the British aristocracy is apt to look with a somewhat jaundiced eye on its younger sons.

And she’s got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

As Shakespeare says, if you’re going to do a thing you might as well pop right at it and get it over.