As the light begins to intensify, so does my misery, and I wonder how it is possible to hurt so much when nothing is wrong.
I might appear confident and chatty, but I spend most of my time laughing at jokes I don’t find funny, saying things I don’t really mean – because at the end of the day that’s what we’re all trying to do: fit in, one way or another, desperately trying to pretend we’re all the same.
…and my loneliness, always my loneliness – that airless bubble of despair that is slowing stifling me.
At the end of the day it’s about how much you can bear, how much you can endure. Being together, we harm nobody; being apart, we extinguish ourselves.
They say when you really love someone, you should be willing to set them free. So that is what I am doing. I will step back and you will move on. I will let you go. … Your happiness means everything to me. I will listen for your voice in the distance. I will look at the moon. I will keep you in my pocket. I will carry your smile with me everywhere, like a warm and comforting glow.
You’ve always been my best friend, my soul mate, and now I’ve fallen in love with you too. Why is that such a crime?
Out of the millions and millions of people that inhabit this planet, he is one of the tiny few I can never have.
How can something so wrong feel so right?
Trying to describe my life and feelings to you is like trying to describe coulours to the blind, or music to the deaf. It’s simply not possible.
Even though I’m surrounded by pupils, there is the invisible screen screen between us, and behind the glass wall I am screaming – screaming in my own silence, screaming to be noticed, to be befriended, to be liked.
At the age of five she has already come to terms with one of the life’s harshest lessons: that the world isn’t fair.
Get through today – you can fall apart tomorrow. Get through tomorrow, you can fall apart the day after . . .
I can’t tell you. I can’t tell you of all people. Throughout my life you were the one person I could turn to. The one person I could always count on to understand. And now that I’ve lost you, I’ve lost everything.
Lochie. The boy I once loved. The boy I still love. The boy I will continue to love, even when my part in this world is over too.
I don’t know when it started – this thing – bit it’s growing, muffling me, suffocating me like poison ivy. I grew into it. It grew into me. We blurred at the edges, became an amorphous, seeping, crawling thing.
At what point do you give up – decide enough is enough? There is only one answer really. Never.
It’s horrible being ashamed of someone you care about; it eats away at you. And if you let it get to you, if you give up the fight and surrender, eventually that shame turns to hate.
Nothing can relieve the pain. Not crying, laughing, screaming, begging. Nothing can change the past.
The sight of such aching beauty would infuse his soul with pain.
I love you in–in every kind of way.’ ‘I feel like that too . . .’ His voice is shocked and raw. ‘It’s – it’s a feeling so big I sometimes think it’s going to swalow me. It’s so strong I feel it could kil me. It keeps growing and I can’t – I don’t know what to do to stop it. But – but we’re not supposed to do this – to love each other like this!
Before there was anything, there was Lochan.
Never before have I imagined my life without him—like this house, he is my only point of reference in this difficult existence, this unstable and frightening world. The thought of his leaving home fills me with a terror so strong, it takes my breath away. I feel like one of those seagulls covered in oil from a spill, drowning in a black tar of fear.
Do I realy regret that night? That one moment of joy beyond compare – some people never experience it in a lifetime. But the downside to that taste of pure happiness is that,like a drug, a glimmer of paradise, it leaves you craving more.
It’s always nice being wanted. Even if it’s by the wrong person.
At what point does a fly give up trying to escape through a closed window – do its survival instincts keep it going until it is physically capable of no more, or does it eventually learn after one crash too many that there is no way out? At what point do you decide that enough is enough?
