Will Rogers Quotes

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him… The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.


There are men running governments who shouldn’t be allowed to play with matches.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

Democrats are the only reason to vote for Republicans

I would love to see Mr. (Henry) Ford in there, really. I don’t know who started the idea that a President must be a Politician instead of a Business man. A Politician can’t run any other kind of business. So there is no reason why he can run the U.S. That’s the biggest single business in the World.

The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.

The problem in America isn’t so much what people don’t know; the problem is what people think they know that just ain’t so.

If America ever passes out as a great nation, we ought to put on our tombstone: America died from a delusion she had Moral Leadership.

I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.

The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it’s called golf.


Congress is going to start tinkering with the Ten Commandments just as soon as they find someone in Washington who has read them.

A vision, without a plan, is just a hallucination.

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.

I remember when being liberal meant being generous with your own money.

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

With Congress, every time they make a joke it’s a law, and every time they make a law it’s a joke.

Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like.

America has the best politicians money can buy.

There is nothing as easy as denouncing. It don’t take much to see that something is wrong, but it does take some eyesight to see what will put it right again