If someone tells you that you cannot do something and you believe it, they are right.
Before you go to bed, write down three ‘gratefuls’ for the day and three ‘did wells’ (they can even include something as simple as doing the laundry)-the results can be amazing!
Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.
It’s almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington.
When you have a dream, you’ve got to grab it and never let go.
You have to have faith that there is a reason you go through certain things. I can’t say I’m glad to go through pain, but in a way one must, in order to gain courage and really feel joy.
No one ever said life was fair. Just Eventful.
You have to go through the falling down in order to learn to walk. It helps to know that you can survive it. That’s an education in itself.
Comedy is tragedy plus time.
Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own.
If you want to know the feeling [of labor pain], just take your bottom lip and pull it over your head.
It’s also selfish because it makes you feel good when you help others. I’ve been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That’s why we’re here, after all, to help others.
We don’t stop going to school when we graduate.
I was once asked to do my Tarzan yell at Bergdorf Goodman, and a guard burst in with a gun! Now I only do it under controlled circumstances.
I had a good loud voice and I wasn’t afraid to be goofy or zany.
I think we’re here for each other.
Because nobody goes through life without a scar.
You do have to love your kids enough to let them hate you. But it’s the disease that’s hating you, not them.
I couldn’t get the laughter out of my head. It wasn’t career. It wasn’t even a choice. It was a calling.
If you see a kid in school, who is a little shy … that’s when you should reach out. When you do, you are going to open up a flower and discover something wonderful.
I’m really not that funny in real life. But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh.
The first time someone said, ‘What are your measurements?’ I answered, ’37, 24, 38 – but not necessarily in that order.’
I have always grown from my problems and challenges, from the things that don’t work out, that’s when I’ve really learned.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
The audience is never wrong.