I don’t want to die tomorrow knowing I could’ve had a piece of cake tonight.
You know, a lot of people think that just ’cause you work out, lift weights, eat right, and do what people tell you to do that you’ll live a long live, maybe you will. But, why do people measure life by the years instead about how good the years were.
There’s 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. There’s big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.
Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?
I’m not fat. It’s just my awesomeness swelling up inside of me.
I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake.
With all the classes they offer at school, how come they don’t have one for common sense?
Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.
Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.
I’m a big boy, but I can get jiggy with it. Ladies, I will go to dance clubs, and I will tear it up hardcore for a good 30 seconds.
When you have nothing but big friends, you never get into arguments – except one. And that is, who is the biggest? I’ll let you know right now, there’s only one way to settle this. We all get in a bus and we go to Disney and we get on a roller coaster – whoever gets the least amount of clicks on the safety bar is the big one.
Some people can handle alcohol. You know who you are. Some people can’t handle alcohol. The police know who you are.
You live by the cake, you die by the cake.
Anything is possible as long as you’re focused, determined and you really want to do it.
I’m not fat. I’m fluffy!
Kids, man, they’re way too honest. They’re like mini-alcoholics.
If you aim to be big, you will be big. And that’s not a pun about my size.
Why would anybody connect to someone who has everything going for them? It’s the person who has faults that people want to connect to. So people identify with certain insecurities on stage and just by me talking about my diabetes people come up to me after the show and tell me “Gabe, my blood sugar is out of control and I feel you”. That’s the first thing they say, they say “I feel you!”.
We can choose our family. We can’t choose our relatives.
The best advice bro: is think big, as big as you can possibly think, and shoot for that. The bigger you aim for, the bigger you’re going to be. Set the standards for yourself as high as you possibly can and also surround yourself with people who have the same visions you have.
I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.
You gotta hang out with people who have big dreams and believe in that dream.
You can’t be bad ass in a car that kills gas like I kill tacos.
If you put your personal stories out there people always connect.
If I’m drinking I can either be the nicest guy ever or I’m the guy you should leave alone.